from the side of a teacher.
The following is an article I recieve from an educator...Steven Simpson. He writes an article and you can find it at:
http://www.edbriefs.com/
He used to write about education news. Now he writes his own commentary on education topics.
As some of you know...my girlfriend Marcie wrote an article talking about her dealings with parents, both the good and the bad. From there it turned into a flame fest until she was confined for defending her point of view on her own blog.
Anyways...the following is an article I recieved this morning and I feel it helps show where Marcie is coming from when she deals with parents. Not all are like the ones mentioned (as the author also mentions)...but many are.
"Dealing With Parents: A Cautionary Tale
By Steven W. Simpson, Ph.D.
At the end of my fifth year of teaching, I discovered that I was avoiding parents. I found, to my discomfort, that I really did not like dealing with them. I guess I’d had a belly full of the damage I’d seen them do and had decided, without knowing it, that I would stay away from them.
I don’t think a reasonable person could blame me. It was one of those years we all have now and then. I caught a girl copying answers on her paper from another student’s paper during my class. I reported her for cheating. The next thing I knew, I was in the principal’s office explaining how I could possibly have been so misguided. The parent was very angry and he wanted my head.
It didn’t matter that his daughter was five feet away from me copying answers to an assignment from another class when she was supposed to be writing an essay for my class. His daughter would never cheat on anything.
Then there was the parent who took the time to write me a two page letter telling me how terrible his daughter was. He delivered it in person to be sure I understood how much trouble she was going to be. His daughter turned out to be a wonderful person and an A student.
There was the parent who called me at home and screamed at me because I would not give her child credit for taking a vacation to Mexico for a few weeks. She screamed so loudly that when I held the phone up, my wife, sitting on the other side of the room, could hear it clearly.
And there was the parent whose son I caught buying a research paper online using a computer in my class. That parent screamed at me too, but not on the phone. His screaming was in my face. Despite finding his son three pages deep into a paper-buying site with the assignment typed into the purchase window, the parent came after me. Some years are like that.
In addition to the lunacy described above, there was the usual collection of kids whose parents beat them up, physically or mentally. I became discouraged listening to parents berate and demean their children during conferences.
Even worse than that, I suppose, were the parents who were simply absent from the lives of their children. I saw too many students raising themselves on TV and video games. So, I found myself avoiding parents. I just went about my business trying to help kids and kept as far away from the parental radar screens as possible.
Certainly there were some good parents around that year. But the negative experiences left me confused and hurt. Those experiences changed my perception of parents. The good parents, the healthy and involved parents, did not show up in my classrooms or in the principal’s office. They would appear once a year at open house and that was about it. So despite the existence of many good parents, my interactions with parents were defined by the more powerful negative experiences.
My attitude about parents started to change when I began teaching special education. Maybe because their children had learning disabilities or physical disabilities, they were forced to deal with a reality most parents don’t see. Perhaps the enormous amount of effort they needed in order to help their children do even the most ordinary activities changed them, gave their perception more clarity, more honesty.
I asked my wife about this and she pointed out an obvious difference. Special education parents discuss and sign off on the individualized education plan. They help develop what they feel is in their child’s best interest. That is written down in a legal document, signed and agreed on by parents and teachers. Theirs is a deeper, different kind of involvement.
My wife’s observation is right, of course. But there is more to it than that. They come into the IEP meetings with eyes that have seen more than I will ever know. They ask powerful questions, the answers to which may very well determine the future of their children. They do not want to hear sugar-coated nonsense; they want the truth. They want honest evaluation and good teaching. Sitting in meetings with these parents changed me.
I know I have been guilty of terrible generalizations. Not all general education parents are bad and not all special education parents are good. I know that. But I also know that I used to avoid parents because I was tired of trying to deal with their goofy illusions and misguided anger. Now I do everything I can to work with and help parents.
The problem, of course, was not the parents. The problem was my own narrow view clouded by a few noisy and probably frightened people. These days the parents I work with are a quieter, but equally intense group of people.
And these days, I am more open-minded and less judgmental. I do not let the occasional negative experience with a parent define my view.
I think that makes me a better teacher. "